A Lunch in the Life

     I remember that short period of time when I worked with grownups and ate lunch like a normal person.  By "normal," I mean that I ate food like ramen noodle bowls and drank about 3 cokes a day, but was somehow still on the small side.  I got to sit, eat, and maybe even chat about things with people. Adult people.
     Today, our lunch was fairly uneventful and an overall success. Experience it with me in these easy steps:

1. Prepare kid lunch. It's an easy sandwich, banana, and goldfish day. 
2. Bring plates to tiny table.  Distribute water.
3. Restrain baby. Place baby into exersaucer.
4. Heat up leftovers for me.
5. Sit down to eat with kids.
6. Tell child to eat sandwich correctly instead of peeling it apart and scraping out the insides.
7. Tell child to stop wiping her hands on her shirt.  Tell child to please stop crying about her sticky hands, because she knows the proper way to eat a sandwich and chose to peel it apart instead.
8. Reheat cold Chinese leftovers.
9. Explain to child that I will help her wash off her sticky hands once she is all done with her lunch.  "But I tie-yud!" child says. 
10. Help her wash hands since she is finished.
11. Tell her to go potty, put on a pull-up, and get into bed.
12. Sit back down to eat lukewarm leftovers.
13. Overhear, "My poop is too big! I need to flush it!" 
14. Shout back, "Are you done?"
15. Get back up to wipe child's butt, wash hands, and send child to bed.
16. Reheat leftovers. 
17. Other child finishes lunch and wants to wash hands.  Tell her clearly, "You may ONLY wash your hands if you can do it ALL by yourself without asking me to get up to help you with the water.  If you can't do it by yourself, then you need to wait until I am finished eating." "Ok," she replies.
18. Sit down, lean head back for a minute, and close your eyes.
19. "Mom, I can't get the water! I have soap on my hands!" child yells 3 seconds later. 
20. Kindly explain to her that she made the choice to start washing her hands even after I told her I would not be helping.  Let her know that she can wait until I am finished eating to help her.
21. Eat lukewarm leftovers. Think about how the baby is the only person in my life who truly loves me.